Round the bend

I was driving the other day.

As I circumnavigated a roundabout, reading a map, yelling at a lackey down the phone and eating, a thought occured.

Why do the police prosecute those of us capable of multi-tasking?

Are we all at the level of the mouth-breather?

No. But I have a theory...

A few years back i blew my meagre bonus on a pilot's license. As part of the 40 hours it took to pass (you cannot take the test until you have your hours) the instructors gradually increase the workload on the aspiring aviator. They start you with general handling, when you have just about got the hang of that - they throw in navigating, when you are nearly on top of both they throw in communications. Just as you are putting it all together, the emergencies creep in. Engine failure after take off, Surveillance Radar Apporaches etc.

Thus after your training of 40 hours. You can move an aircraft doing 120 miles an hour in a 3d environment, while reading a map, while talking on the radio, in bad weather, in crowded airspace towards a narrow approach vector. At the same time, you would be expected to handle instrument failure or some other "problem" the examiner will throw at you.

Now, the point of this is not to say how hard this all is, but rather how easy. A bit of concentration, a bit of focus and spending some time "in the zone" and it all slots in. Most people do this in about 45 hours.

Now turn our attention to driving. Most people learn to drive in about 25 hours of lessons and practice. Yet clearly Nanny thinks that handling a car in a two dimensional environment is more than our fragile brains can handle. Thus she has legislated that reading a map, yakking on the phone are not allowed because we cannot concentrate on our driving and may mow pedestrians down.

This is utter tosh. If I, or if anyone lets be honest, can handle the 3d scenario above, then doing the same with a car should be easy.

So what to do?

Well, obviously the level of concentration required to chat on my mobile, read a map and drive is beyond some as if they can't pick it up in 25 hours -they never will. So I propose a 3tier driving license. you would be able to apply to any level and take the appropriate exam. Permission to drive a certain car or use things like phones should be on ability. Hence make the exam much much harder.

Level 1 - "Driver". May drive a car that can exceed 70mph and carry passengers. Has demonstrated cognitive capability to read maps, talk and drive in exacting scenarios. Licensed to drive upto 130MPH as conditions permit.
Level 2 - "Mouth-breather". Can carry passengers. Not allowed to navigate, talk or touch the radio. Smoking and/or eating prohibited. Limited to 70MPH whatever the cicumstances. Car must have a sign indicating "MORON ON BOARD" to warn Level 1 drivers.
Level 3 - "Tree-hugging fucktard". No passengers, cannot exceed 45mph ever. Banned from Motorways, not allowed to tow anything. Must stay off A roads in daylight. Barred from overtaking or owning a phone or map. Can only own a 2CV. Identified by a sign reading "nuclear power-no thanks" on the back windows. Must give way to all drivers at all times. Raod fund licence of £5000.

Benefits.

Talented drivers will get about faster and the cretins will be forced off the road.

Oh and no more caravans

I see this as a win-win.